Suicidal Repurcussions

Children and Suicide On Saturday, the life of a young girl was ripped out from under all of us.  Unfortunately, it was at her own hands.  Many initially all ask the same question, "Why?", hoping that if we knew why, it would bring some sort of comfort or closure for all of us.  But, the only thing that does is give us a place to lay blame, to point the finger, to be able to take the guilt off of the actor and place it on someone else.  Who does that help?  No one.  We think if we blame someone it may help us to realize it was not our fault and we played no part in it, but did we really?  Did we all play a part by omission?  And if we blame that person, is that fair?  Can they ever get the chance to take it back and to do it over again?  No, they can't.  Anyone would be burdened for eternity already, just thinking their actions may have played a part. So, we decide to look at what has happened, evaulate how to change things, to do everything we can to help prevent this from occurring again.  How do we do that?  I don't think anyone has all of the answers, but I do know that as someone once said it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes the village to raise every child.  As parents, we have the ability and power to see and touch the lives of every child who our children play with, associate with, or are even enemies with.  There are so many children I see in and out of my home, at the park, at birthday parties, etc.  Just think, if one person said something to make a difference in their lives how much of an impact that could make?  I once learned about GEMS, Genuine Encounter Moments, always looking for them in order to teach a teachable lesson.  "Do this, and this is why.  Act this way, and this is why.  Don't do this, and this is why."  When you see something going on with the children, intervene, give your input, and always tell them why.  I saw a quote the other day that said, "We all expect children to act like adults, but allow us to treat them like children."  I thought long and hard about that one, and it's just so true.  They are children.  They think like children, it's all about them, they can't think past right now, can't see past right now, and that's just how they are.  They don't have the capacity nor the set of references and experiences we do as adults.  They are just getting started.  I wish there was a chip we could just plug into them and have them know everything, but it just doesn't exist.  So, we, as busy adults who have to work and shuffle kids around and cook dinner, etc., we must all look out for each other's children.  When you have a child with you, treat them as your own, care for them as your own, teach them as you would your own, and love them as you would your own.  Let them all know that no matter what behavior they exhibit, THEY are not bad.  I've had so many kids who have done something wrong say, "Please don't think I'm bad."  My response is, "Of course I don't think you're bad.  Your behavior may have been undesirable, but it doesn't make YOU bad.  You made a bad choice.  Here's how to not make that bad choice again."  Then teach them, guide them, demonstrate for them, but most of all, love them.  Let them know they are loved, they are important, and that this world needs them.  Let them know it's okay to lose at something, and teach them the coping skills to deal with it.  Too often we don't let kids lose - everyone gets a trophy, everyone gets to run the bases, and everyone is a winner.  Then, the first time they fail at something or lose at something, they have no idea how to deal with it.  Teach them, tell them, show them how to deal with it.  Even as an adult, there are many things hard to deal with but we have to search for things we've learned or been taught or learn new things to help us get through.  I've stood many times alone and yelled at the sky, "God!  Why me?!?!?!"  I am always answered.  Maybe not then, but I see it later.  I just have to have the coping skills to get through until I get my answer. Let kids know that they have choices.  If something is really bad right now, give it a minute and I promise it will be better.  It may be a long minute, but just wait.  You know what they say about Texas weather, "Give it a minute and it'll change."  Just give it a minute.  Take a deep breath.  This is your Winter, your Spring is coming.  If any of you have not seen that sermon from Joel Osteen, watch it, learn it, and live it.  The gist of it is that if we had Spring every day, we would come to not appreciate it as much as we should.  Just think about how much you appreciate a beautiful Spring day after months of Winter weather?  Your Winter is the time when God is throwing challenges at you, hardships, things you must work through in order to grow.  Like plants, during that time we are growing inside, where no one can see.  We are establishing strong roots, deep inside, to give us a firm and hearty base to be able to face anything that comes at us.  Then, once the Winter is over, we get our Spring, and we appreciate it so much more.  God has a plan for us, and we will have our Spring, but we will also have our Winter, and we will be much stronger each and every time, able to endure.  We all function better when we know what to expect, and knowing Winter will come will help us to be better prepared the next time. Let kids know there is a Spring.  Give them hope.  Hug them tight.  Know what is going on in their lives.  Know who their friends are.  Tell them every single day that they are necessary, that they are loved, and most of all, that they are important.  Think about a job where you may have liked what you did, but you were not important to anyone, to anything, to the success or outcomes of anything.  Did you really enjoy it that much, or did you want to find something else?  Everyone wants to feel important, to be needed, to be necessary.  Find every way you can to make sure they feel this.  Don't only tell them, but show them.  Give them lots of things to look forward to so that they remember there will be moments after this one, and the next one, and the next one.  I went to the candlelight service last night which was initiated by friends, and I have to say that I was deeply moved by the maturity of these young children.  When I arrived I saw a group of kids cutting up and running around.  At 7:30, someone whistled and all was quiet.  The children formed a large group with a hole in the middle, where anyone could step forward and share a funny story, sing a song, or lead in prayer, and they did just such.  They talked about cutting up in class, fights they had had, soccer, church, etc.  A few boys sang songs, and really well, I might add.  Then one boy read a poem he had written.  I'm not sure who this boy was, but he was extremely inspirational.  He read his poem about tears, which of course moved everyone.  Then, he talked about how ironic it was that it was so cold that night because it caused everyone to huddle together as one, which is how it should be.  He encouraged everyone to stay cold, to huddle as one, to never be mean, and to always be there for each other no matter what.  He asked that her death not be in vain, that only good comes from it, that it changes them all forever for the better.  The group of children had a circle of parents naturally formed around the outside of them, giving them space, but still there for support and for protection.  Unfortunately, the ratio was probably 20 to 1, sadly to say.  It should be 1 to 1, but we all know that is not possible.  Parents are so busy, we have other children, we have work, we have other responsibilities.  Thus, the reason I say that we must all look out for each other's children, be a part of the village, ensure they all know we are here.  I was so very proud of those kids last night.  They behaved as adults, but I remembered to treat mine as a child, for once.  Let's take their advice and not let this tragedy be in vain, make a difference and start new.